Yearbook Layout Design Ideas: How about Exploding Sperm

THE GREATEST YEARBOOK LAYOUT DESIGN IDEA
Well the word is out. It has been officially confirmed once again that Coca-Cola kill sperm. This based on a 1985 study by Deborah Anderson of Boston University Medical Center. She is quick to point out however that it would never work as a contraceptive because sperm swim too fast. I wonder how fast coke can swim? I’m surprised there haven’t been any organized races of sperm. Think of all the gambling revenue and jobs that could be created. There would of course be the shady side to all of this. People trying to get the sperm to unknowingly drink coke in order to fix the race.

Coke with sugar kills the sperm. Apparently the sperm soak it up and explode. This is The Greatest news. I can already see it being incorporated into blueprints of restaurant kitchen designs. There will be the refrigerators for the diet coke on the left, and the sperm killing coke will be kept in units by the bar, you know, for those folks who figure they’re gonna get lucky. Kids all across the country are going to stop sending thank you poems to teachers with a big red apple and instead deliver a coke and a smile. What a smile that’s going to be! Imagine a school kid trying to focus in class on how the tsunami happened or some other historical geophysical event and suddenly he finds out that coke explodes sperm. Any chance of concentrating on anything significant goes out the window. This kid is going to be too excited thinking he’ll never have to experience the embarrassment of buying condoms. Instead, it’s a quick trip to the grocery store to check out the soda isle.

It should be emphasized that the popular drink is not a recognized contraceptive. Although, you know how many people will be thinking up all the possible cartoon possibilities. It could be part of the morning roster. A great way to educate kids about the health sciences and you know it will be funny. What do you want to be for this Halloween Billy? I want to be the evil bottle of coke and blow up all the sperm I can find. What ever happened to Superman and Team America? Wait, I know, they all went diet.

I still remember the stories about Coke when I was a kid. They were the kinds of things that would make Rachel Carson cringe. She wrote a book and did reports about environmental pollutants and I’m sure, if she had heard some of the stories I was hearing, she might have included the soda giant in her reports. There was never any confirmation of these reports about Coke of course, some of them were just absolutely ridiculous. I remember a story about what the popular drink could do to a nail if left submerged long enough. It sounded ridiculous back then, and it still seems that way today. I’m sure Rachel Carson would have gotten a kick out of it.

However, if the stuff is capable of blowing up the biological material that is the foundation of all human existence, there might be an argument made that it is somewhat hazardous to the environment. Perhaps the study will lead to new environmental technology jobs. That would be a good thing.

I only hope this doesn’t discourage anyone from making the decision to register to vote. It would be a shame if people were afraid that upon entering those registration offices the only choice of refreshment would be soda pop. Let’s face it, there are many different countries and government type from all around the world. Coke has managed to infiltrate all of them. If there was any real danger I’m sure they would have told us about it. Wouldn’t they?