Horoscopes For Free Astrology

HOROSCOPES AND THE GREATEST FREE ASTROLOGY FOR YOU AND ME

Horoscopes will be made available for free on this site on a weekly basis so be sure to check back for the continuing saga that is your astrological destiny.

Aries: It would appear that animals are playing a larger role in your life this week than usual. Try to get close to one but not too close. There is no need to worry about that new promotion anymore, you have something more incredible in store. Wear gloves.

Taurus: Time to cool down with the stories. People are starting to doubt things about you, like your gender. Stick to talking about fish. Growing up gets easy this week as learn about the true identity of one of your parents. A stranger is watching your favorite commercial.

Gemini: Looks like there isn't really two sides to you after all. It is just the booze. Empty out everything in your home that is in a can. Brushing things this week will lead to prosperity. Avoid taking in lost children, unless they are vietnamese.

Cancer: Some will say you look larger than usual. You do. There's nothing wrong with packing on a few extra pounds so eat more goat. The sun is shining today in your house and that means more shadow puppets. Empty everyone else's mailboxes.

Leo: Don't forget to wash behind someone's ears. There is something headed your way that is large and slick. A new job would suit you well but you are unemployable. Pay more attention to monkeys when they are naked. Touch things.

Virgo: The sign of the Virgin huh? I don't think so. Why do you bother wearing pants? The color green is on your ground. Start taking down fences that you put up to protect yourself, there is nothing of value there. Eat something stolen.

Libra: Your handwriting gives you away this week. Try communicating in pantomime. Somebody close to you is contagious. Remember the holiday that is fast approaching, it will involve a party that doesn't need you. Fire and your pets can be friends.

Scorpio: Jello will lead the way but not on an escalator. Getting dirty this week will open doors, mostly to bathrooms. There isn't much in the way of romance. Try not to smell as terrible as usual. Your manners will reward you with condiments.

Saggitarius: Travel will lead you somewhere. Not all coats were made for you. There is somebody knocking on your door this week, they have the wrong address. A movie will open your mind to new possibilities, it will be about jumping.

Capricorn: Just because you are the sign of the goat does not mean you have to spend so much time with one. Step back a little, moving forward isn't for you. The bell going off isn't about an idea so much as it is about fire.

Aquarius: This is a good week for relationships, you will need protection. A foul smell indicates it's time to eat. Watch the sky for birds, that's where they go to get away from you. Most of your dreams will be realized by other people. You have a friend in sand.

Pisces: Don't be such a fish this week, bears are lurking and they enjoy peanut butter. If you find something new on your face, leave it. Relatives are thinking about how much you cost them. Moving can result in different places. Scissors are important to your diet.

Check back again next week for some of the greatest revelations in the world of astrology and continue to follow your free Horoscopes.